"its just a sketch in me"

i am a wreck
i am selfish
i have hate in my heart
and i am miserable for all i have done to make others miserable.
here?
it never ceases to surprise me.
here, is where everything hurts the worst.
here, is where it gets so cold, you can only feel you're brain, thinking about how habitable and opposite the place you just left was...
here is where everyone who doesn't really even know you, or your family,
says not to worry, and that your family loves you..
here, is where i've learned to close my door,
to keep in any misdirected warm air trapped.
here, is where terrible things keep on happening to me..
but somehow, it keeps me surprised, when things are only worse than how i left them.
my artwork, however, has improved like crazy.

i am the child who's parents take back christmas presents from, and give them to their other children.

why am i the way i am?
i'm a product of my parents and my bad choices.
my family 1600 miles from here,
treats me like a real family.
they love me and i love them
and they didnt take back their presents when i left.
they did so many things that a family should do.
when there is a family like that waiting for you,
nothing that matters here, matters at all.
not hot water
or sheets
or cooking
or painting
or shoes
or rugs
or windows
or television..
none of those things are missed.
i didnt mind the cockroaches
or the mosquitos
or the poisonous ants.
because there were people who loved me all around me.
but here,
its real
and harsh
and strong
and you die early.
"no beauty could have come from me
i'm a waste
of breath
of space
of time."
here, i'm the cockroach you can hear beneath your bed
and there, i'd be family.

crows will survive the end of the world

el mundo se cambio
cada día, diferente en cada sitio
yo quiero conocer todo
ver todo
sentirme todo.
cuando muero
yo quiero salir con la capicú.
cuando la ola viene para mí,
no correré.
quedaré.
veré mi vida a dentro.
y cuando no hay nadie,
habrá cuervos en árboles muertos
en un mundo abandonado.
todos los mariscos de sobra
serán dejados
por el desierto, que calor y seca
solamente los cuervos sobrevivirán
el fin del mundo.